The Ancient laws of Driving in India: Fear the B

Since I was a kid and had first started sniffing at the dream of driving I was told always fear the B. Normally I would have wondered what they meant when I was told fear the B, but that was never a problem since I was given a whole lesson on the scary B’s of driving in India.

Bus: Top of the list. When on the road on four wheels, in the land with a billion people, the BUS is the king, hovering high over the road and the rest of vehicality, the BUS driver owns the road and therefore has the right to suddenly turn left, or right, jump red lights, come in the right lane and then turn left. Special note for people driving in the Capital, we don’t have an F1 track for a reason, we don’t need one. The BUSES put up a fairly good show on the roads itself, mass entertainment. The overtaking, the sharp turning, the G-Force thrills, the damages, accidents, casualties, drama, the Delhi BUSES have it all. FEAR THEM,

Bcha: Fear what you do not understand। Bacha a।k.a child. A child on the road can be more scary than bungee jumping. You never know what the child will do and the kid is never responsible for its actions. See a child, break, stop, wait or physically go out and move the kid to the side only to see it back in the center by the time your back in the car.

Baail: Wrath of the Gods. Baail a.k.a cattle. India is very interesting when it comes to wild life. You go to a wild life sanctuary and wait for days, and all you will see are the insects that you dint know existed. You travel in a city like Delhi and you’ll see all the cattle that gives you your daily milk. So what’s the problem with cows and buffaloes, they are sweet looking timid animals? That is true, but they are also among the laziest animals on the planet and here they are worshiped. So they take up their divine role and decide that there should be a divider ‘here’ and they will just sit down there refusing to budge till the next meal time. If you see a piece of cattle on the road, try to maneuver around it, if its sitting blocking the road, try to coax it to move, you will look very stupid calling a cow on the road with a few leaves, but it can work at times. If nothing works, then it’s a sign from god, you have not been giving the almighty enough attention, sit down and pray for the cattle to leave.

Bai: Bai (marathi) also known as lady. Now these come in two varieties and both should be feared differently, one is the regular lady, that will get scared when you honk, drop her purse, some thing will fall out she will pick it up and move aside and let you go, wither in peace or in pieces depending on what fell out of the purse.

The second variety is the deluxe version of the Bai called the Sari wali Bai, who will jut not know if she should go left or right, there is a latest addition to the deluxe version called the super duper deluxe version that is so deadly that if you ever see this on a road, slam the breaks, stop and wait. It doesn’t matter if the guy behind you ended up smashing is bonnet in your bumper, you still alive. This is two sair wali Bais. This combo will always as a rule split up one will go left the other will go right, usually the left will go right and the right will go left, banging in the middle, their shopping baskets falling, they will then pick up the shopping, decide where to go and then go in opposite directions finally allowing the car to pass just after one of the two did change her mind and decided to join the other sari wali bai. BE SCARED, BE VERY SCARED.